she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
