Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
