I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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