Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
