He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
