Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
