You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
now i know why i became what i already was.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
