Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
