She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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