You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize