The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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