Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
