i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
