Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
COCAINE IS GR8
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
