you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
