i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
