I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
