He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
