i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
