She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
