I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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