I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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