Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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