Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
