if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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