i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
