The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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