we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sober January is a disaster.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
