i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Holy sore nipples Batman
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
