Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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