whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
