Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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