so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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