What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize