I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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