i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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