____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Text me some of your sweat
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
