Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
