ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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