She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
