Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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