Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Buhtt sex?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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