Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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