If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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