We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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