If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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