The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize