oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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