$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
