My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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