I'm lost and stupid without you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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