It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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