just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
