Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
