My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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