It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
