I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
