you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
