I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
