I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
