Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
