White coat. Heels.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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