We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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